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Joke of the Day
"[crime scene] *detective snaps pics of murder victim* Corpse: delete it"
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"A condom and a coffin. Both are designed for stiffs. The difference is one is for coming and the other for going"
"My grandma got a hip replacement My new grandma is a 24 year old barista and an aspiring artist."
"- If you insinuate that I'm fat again, I'm leaving you! - Don't be selfish, think about the baby. - What baby? - Oh, so you're not pregnant?"
"Why did the dinosaur eat the baby??? It didn't. Humans did not appear until after the extinction of dinosaurs."
"I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on . . . I said,"" You're pulling my leg."""
"(Writing in food journal) me: for lunch I had sa......... trainer: (interrupting) salad. awesome. me: sake."
"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Fish"
"My neighbor is a micro biologist. I've never seen him."
"I like my coffee how i like my women. Accompanied by a sandwich."