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Joke of the Day

"Why are cemeteries surrounded with walls? Because people are dying to get in there."

"My 3 year old just got me with this one... 3 yo: Can I please have a mystery? Me: What is that? 3 yo: I don't know, it's a mystery (laughs hysterically)"

"What is a collie puppy's favorite toy? A chew-chew train!"

"Did I ever tell you about the worst blowjob I ever had? It was FANTASTIC."

"Even though his lawyer had told him to check the fine print, he hadn't expected this: it was the SEXIEST print he'd seen in years."

"What do you give a girl who already has everything? Antibiotics"

"When your iPod stops working, it floats. Because it doesn't sync."

"TIFU by buying an MP5K instead of a Mini-Uzi from the Arms Store... Whoops, wrong sub."

"What is it called when a criminal gets excited? A Con-Yay!"

"Come to the dark side.... we don't pay our electric bill."