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Joke of the Day

"The first guy to skip a rock was probably all sad and just trying to toss the rock in the pond and was like ""well, can't even do that right"""

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"*Arrives at work 2 hrs late Boss: HR wants to see you about your behavior Me: Well, I literally just got here so it couldn't have been me"
"Skinny= Anorexic Thick= Obese. Virgin= Too good. Non-Virgin= Slut. Friendly= Fake. Quiet= Rude. It seems like you can never please society"
"What's a vampire's favorite dance? The Vaults."
"What's the difference between a physicist and an engineer A physicist says ""E = mc^2"", an engineer asks ""How much mass we talkin?"""
"I was walking by a park and some Koreans asked if my friend and I wanted to join their game. They were short people."
"Yo momma Is so fat, that she has her own event horizon!"
"I've Noticed Bernie Sanders is Wearing a Ballcap Now at his Rallies. If he wants to invigorate his base shouldn't he be wearing a trilby?"
"I nicknamed my girlfriend melody Because its loudest and always on top"
"Knock knock... A: Knock, knock! B: Who's there? A: The Interrupting Cow. B: The Interrupt-- A: MOOOOOOOO!!"