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Joke of the Day

"When it comes to music..... Nobody beats The Jackson 5. Except for their dad. That guy beat the shit out of those kids."

"Late to bed and late to rise . . . Makes a man who will serve french fries."

"Bought sneakers from my drug dealer Idk what he laced them with, but I been trippin for hours"

"ME:[defending myself] Oh yeah?? Well I got 5 words for you buddy: please be nice to me"

"*opens front door to see Christmas carolers singing Please, I have a family"

"I mutter ""you arrogant asshole"" when my phone auto-corrects 'iphone' to 'iPhone'"

"How many ADHD sufferers does it take to... To get to the other si-- Knock knock."

"whenever i get frustrated with the world i remember that some birds can talk and then i get so amped"

"What is the same with you, a pet cat, and a pet dog? All of them are adopted"

"My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely."