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Joke of the Day

"My girl said she need distance and time Still dont know what she's trying to calculate the velocity of..."

"Why do ghosts never age? They use Bootox."

"What do you call a nun who is outside her local calling area? *A roamin' Catholic.*"

"What has 12 hands, 12 legs, and 12 eyes? 12 pirates."

"Japan's economy crashed in the 90s because their housing bubble was so bad, the Imperial Palace was worth all the land in California. I *wish* houses out here could still be that cheap!"

"Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan...."

"I have a new doctor. He wanted to check my prostate and I told him that I don't do that on the first appointment."

"They say Kim Jong Un is heartless and a murder... It's because he has no Seoul"

"Why is gay marriage still a thing? Because people are fucking assholes"

"Coworker: What's so funny M: Twitter Cw: Oh! I'm on there, what's your @ M: I meant twizzlers.. Cw: You're looking at your phone. M:..."