34138

Joke of the Day

"""Dad can we get a puppy?"" ""No but we can get a submarine if you like?"" [2 hours later 3000m beneath the pacific] ""dad I should be at school"""

"A woman was doing a great job driving..."

"[Couples Therapy] HER: He keeps pretending he's a doctor. This relationship is dead HIM: I'm calling it. Time of death, 9:26 ME: OMG SEE!"

"Me: time for bed Brain: yeah I'm tired too M: really? wow we may actually get some slee- B: hey do you think anyone's died in this house?"

"Why do blacks wear white gloves? So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls."

"An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears that this is true."

"I drive a 5 wheeler... But ones in the trunk"

"If ""the big one"" hits L.A., they say the sewer system will be out of commission for six months. So how will they tell?"

"If you think your child is annoying, imagine what I think."

"Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac? She lay awake all night wondering if there was a Dog."