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Joke of the Day

"*doctor administers experimental anti bad joke serum* how do you feel? ""with my hands"" let's give it a minute"

"A port-a-potty truck blocked my car in at work so I couldn't leave.. But hey, shit happens."

"My dog doesn't always bark like there's an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I'm home alone and in the shower."

"I got so drunk last night i blew chunks! Chunks is my dogs name."

"What are Hillary Clinton's favorite shoes? Platform Flip flops !"

"Chuck Norris doesn't flush, he scares the crap out of it."

"I called the Paranoia Hotline: This guy answered and said, ""How the hell did you get this number?"""

"I think ""dildo"" is an acceptable insult. Like I'd call you a dick, but you're not real enough."

"My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise? -Because the other fish were crying. Edit: *One of them dies."

"Accidentally pressed 2 for Spanish and Donald Trump's security team came out of nowhere to deport me."