33025

Joke of the Day

"Fact: It's not masturbation if you use a puppet."

"My mom asked if my kids are driving me to drink with the snow days. Told her I've been drinking at home, stupid kids can't reach the pedals."

"I got a new stick of deoderant. Instructions said: 'remove cap & push up bottom'. I can barely walk but when I fart the room smells lovely"

"It is better to have loved and lost than have your face ripped off by a chimpanzee"

"Why was Steve Jobbs funeral an open casket? So the attendees could get some face-time."

"What did the Asian guy say when he was caught sleeping with another man's wife? Me love you wrong time."

"The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says ""can you make me one with everything?"" After he received the pizza, he waited. ""Where's my change?"" ""Ah, change comes from within."""

"How many Ellen Paos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. The mods do that for her."

"I did bad and I should feel bad What do you call a group of dead, visually impaired people? Horizontal blinds."

"What does a mexican magician make for breakfast? Toast-tah-dahs!"