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Joke of the Day
"What did you say to the policeman who spent eight hours on the Internet? Oh give it arrest."
Next Joke
"Why do I have to answer security questions to pay my bills? Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills...."
"cops at DUI checkpoints should just check to see if u texted ur ex at some point throughout the night"
"What do you call a nun sleep walking? A roamin' Catholic"
"I've been Nominated for Facebook's New Award, Most Funny/Best Posts in 2013!.......In other news I lost my job, my wife, car, and all contact with the outside World!!!"
"Me: why do bad things happen to good people? God: *reveals image of me jerking off to April from Ninja Turtles* Me: oh God: *nods solemnly*"
"I AM A CAPITALIST YES I AM"
"Half the people who follow me are waiting for the nervous breakdown; the other half follow because they're easily impressed by semicolons."
"Why do gay barbecues suck? Because the hotdogs taste like shit."
"Why couldn't the founding fathers ever get a date? They were revolting"