3259

Joke of the Day

"you're lucky I can teach you how to shave my dad wasnt around to teach me. now watch *presses razor against face and moves head up and down*"

"I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position Apparently that's ""misconduct"" for a special needs teacher."

"What type of train gets fat? A chew chew train..."

"I can't believe I gave him my whole heart and he just shit on it like it was nothing, I hate mennnnever mind, he texted back. False alarm."

"Stephen Hawking says we've got about 1,000 years to find a new place to live. That isn't even enough time for my girlfriend to pack."

"If there's two things I hate, it's racist people and niggers."

"What's the famous Confederacy battle cry? We Surrender!"

"Whenever someone says they have ""a thing"" for me, I secretly hope it's a pony."

"There is only one house song. It's 38,000 minutes long."

"I'm at my sexiest when I find the grown out patch of hair on the outside of my ankle I missed with the razor the last 17 times I shaved."