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Joke of the Day

"The doctor gave me 2 months to live I'll spend them making people think I'm reposting."

"What's the most musical part of a fish? Its scales."

"My last girlfriend was a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody."

"What do you call a Russian bovine made out of small flowerless plants? A moss-cow"

"[1st Day after wildebeests take over] I'm safe in my house [Day 7] Thought I heard clattering [Day 21] THEY CAN OPEN DOORS WITH THEIR HOOVES"

"(pretending to be well-read to impress a girl) War and Peace? Yeah I loved that one ""What was your favorite part?"" I'd have to say the Peace"

"""No one cares about the jews"" ""Yeah, they do"" ""No they don't. During the holocaust i killed 3 jews and one clown"" ""Why one clown?"" ""See? No one cares about the jews"""

"My parents never taught me how to be humble or modest I'm just naturally incredible at it."

"I was just knocked off my bike by a stationary truck. The driver gave me a couple of sketch pads and some really cool pens to apologise."

"Did you hear the one about the pregnant bedbug? She gave birth in the spring."