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Joke of the Day

"Considering ""natural"" childbirth? You wouldn't have a tooth pulled without painkillers, right? This is an 8lb tooth. From your crotch."

"Life's too short for 1-ply friends. You need people who can handle your shit."

"Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants."

"What do you call a cow who has just had an abortion? De-calf-inated"

"I do most of my lying when I'm trying to get off the phone."

"Eating a banana faster to try and hide it only makes you look even more gay."

"What's the difference between scouts and jews? The scouts return from camp."

"I have 2 donuts: a secular one and a religious one. The secular one is solid. The religious one is holey."

"What do people store their fondest memories in? A nostaljar."

"I was going to write a book about an x-axis and y-axis on a piece of graph paper. But there was no plot."