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Joke of the Day

"Why are trigonometric functions always women? Because they have periods!"

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Cut the brake lines on his Prius."

"How you can see if a blonde is telling bullshit? Her lips are moving."

"If your girlfriend starts smoking... Slow down and try using some lube!"

"What is the difference between a cat and a comma? Cats have claws at the end of their paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause."

"Hindsight is $20.20. Don't even ask me what she charged to see her boobs."

"What do you call a Jew with the pH level of 1? Hacidic!"

"I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully while asleep... And not like the 60 students on the bus he was driving."

"Why did the bike not go to the gym? BECAUSE IT WAS TOO TIRED :D:D:D:D:D:D"

"[vet school] ME: Welcome, students. Hope you brought textbooks because- [spins cat on finger like basketball] -I have no idea what I'm doing"