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Joke of the Day

"Fat joke with girlfriend Me : I want to go to McDonald's grab something to eat Gf : yeah that's what fat people do !!! Me : alright then you can grab something for me ! Thanks babe :)))"

"Q: How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: A Cancerian would worry herself to death with the problem."

"I like to think of myself not so much as a terrible driver, but an awesome stunt woman."

"Oregon's defense."

"Bookstores are a great place to meet women... ... But not so if your opening line is ""What does this word mean?"""

"What looks like a dog sounds like a dog eats like a dog but isn't a dog? A pup."

"So Hillary Clinton recently said half of Tump's supporters are a ""Basket of deplorables"". Next Trump will respond saying: ""Half of Hillary's supporters are deportables"""

"I opened the window... And influenza."

"What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to motivate his colleagues? Underlay! Underlay!"

"Wife: He's your son! Me: So you say! But I don't... *Kid dances across the room to the Benny Hill theme song* Me: ...ok fine he's my son."