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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross a female tyrannosaur with a male tyrannosaur? Tyrannosaurus Sex! *I apologize deeply, I'm so...so sorry*"

"Whenever I hear about a kid getting in trouble with drugs, I like to tell him this story."

"If I could be any super hero, I think I'd be Aluminium Man. My superpower would be foiling crime."

"It's not working. I've napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea."

"In California... Did you know that in California you cannot take a picture of a woman with a basket of strawberries? ...you need a camera because strawberries do not take pictures."

"My friend said my mum was hot. I then punched him and reminded him that we were Americans."

"Cigarettes that help you quit chewing gum."

"It was nice of Apple to invent a mirror I can send emails with."

"Why did Pinocchio tell lies? Because he was a fucking liar! -from Louis CK's AMA-"

"I don't think you act stupid, I'm sure it's the real thing."