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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect."

"Don't you hate it when you don't know something and have no way of finding out? We need some kind of... global information network."

"Sir Im sorry I rear ended you but I was focused on not accidentally eating a purple jelly bean and you're handling this really insensitively"

"Always remember that the key to a happy marriage is to use those three magic words. You're right dear."

"What did the German clock maker say to the broken clock? Ve haff vays of making you tock!"

"What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable? ...what's tomato with you?!"

"Why did the Cephalopod get coal for christmas? Because he was on the nautilust."

"Did you take a shower today? Why, is one missing?"

"A boy asks for a pink ping pong ball... a boy comes downstairs and asks for a pink ping pong ball. ""don't you start that again."" says the mom."

"Hey I got your text but then I died, I'll probably like resurrect when we accidentally run into each other though"