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Joke of the Day

"(interview for construction job) Foreman: Your resume is just pictures of LEGOs? Me: (proudly) Didn't even have to look at the instructions"

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"How many men does it take to close the toilet seat? No one knows yet!"
"Life is like a box of chocolates The fatter you are the shorter it lasts"
"What do you call 5 black people having sex? A threesome"
"The sign down the highway said ""Don't be a turkey, don't text and drive"" They misspelled vegetable."
"This absolutely killed me when somebody told me this in a lecture last week... What do you do if you come across a Tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise."
"Given the number of tampon's wrappers in our trash either my wife is searching for the 1 with a Golden Ticket or shit just got real."
"When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed My name, my address, my phone number"
"A flying insect exploded in my kitchen ... it must of been a jihaddy longlegs."
"People say that money is not the key to happiness... ...but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. - Joan Rivers"
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