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Joke of the Day

"For christmas i bought my girlfriend a pair of shoes and a dildo. That way if she doesnt like the shoes she can go fuck herself."

"Girl Logic: I'd like him a lot more if he ignored and liked me a little less."

"When people tell me ""You're going to regret that in the morning"", I sleep til noon because I am a problem solver"

"How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag ? You take the ""F"" out of way."

"I buy all my guns from a bloke called T-Rex.. He's a small arms dealer."

"If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy. I would...."

"A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother."

"For a hero, it's pretty cool that Mario is just a dude who ignores his real job, does mushrooms and smashes his head into things all day."

"When to leave your girlfriend? When your wife's clothes start to fit her."

"The worst part of seeing a spider in the shower was the way it covered it's eyes when it saw me."