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Joke of the Day

"[showing my family to coworker] This is a picture of my daughter & my cat. Mittens & Jack. ""You named your daughter Jack?"" Nope, mittens"

"my doctor gave me 2 months to live when i told him i wouldnt be able to pay off my medical bills by then, he gave me another 2 months"

"People say that sex ed classes in America are uncomfortable. But I think that history classes in Germany are worse. ""Hey kids, you'll never guess what your grandparents did..."""

"What is the difference between camping and being homeless? Marshmallows"

"Tommy went to his mom in the kitchen and said: 'Mom! Mom! The dog is having sex!' So mom says: 'Try not to pay attention to it, sweetheart.' to which Tommy responds: 'But it hurts so much!'"

"Sodium said to neon, ""I gave your mother my electron last night!"" Neon didn't react."

"If you try to rob my house, you should know that the item in the house I paid the most for are my son's braces."

"Why did the Jews have such a hard time in Russia? They couldn't get with the pogrom."

"What do you call a hooker who likes noodles? A Pastatute"

"Some girl just asked me if she was wearing too much makeup. I told her it depends on whether she's going to kill batman or not."