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Joke of the Day

"Not a joke, sorry, but I'm new to this subreddit... Does this subreddit actually have 36 million ""humorists"" or is that a joke? If so, I don't get it."

"Why do black people eat tootsie rolls with a fork? So they don't bite their fingers"

"Start reading to your kids as early as possible. I start around 2:30 a.m."

"Who's the most popular guy in the hospital? The Ultra Sound guy. Who is it when he's not there? The Hip Replacement guy."

"A terrorist walks into a pet store and says ""You have 5 minutes to get out of here...I'm going to blow myself up."" Tortoise : Dafuq :-/"

"My girlfriend accidentally shoved a pair of glasses up my ass... Now my hindsight is 20/20"

"What's your crappiest Pick-up attemp? Me: ""Hey, how much does a polar bear weights?"" Her: o.O ""Wut...idk"" Me: ""Enough to break the ice, I'm NuComer, how you doing?"""

"I always set my alarm to 9:11 So I *never forget* to *wake up*."

"Ugh I hate fake fans. Everybody here is standing up & singing along to his big hit, but probably cant name 3 other Francis Scott Key songs."

"What did the German clock maker say to the broken clock? Ve haff vays of making you tock!"