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Joke of the Day

"Confucius Say Confucius say: Man who run behind bus get exhausted. Man who run in front of bus get tired."

"My 1-year-old found a jar of Play-Doh. I figured she couldn't do any harm if she couldn't open it. She threw it at her sister's head."

"Why is almond milk called almond milk? Because nobody would drink it if it was called nut juice."

"Why did Jared go to a Goat farm? He heard there was lots of Kids there."

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef but you can't pee soup."

"Thought of a '2 guys walk into a bar' joke A gay guy and Sam Adams walk into a bar. The gay guy drank some Sam Adams. But only Sam Adams had alcohol that night."

"Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book? It's called ""One More Thyme"""

"Q: What makes a chef sadder the skinnier it gets? A: An onion."

"A truck driver almost crashed into a dam Son that was close!!! Nope? :( ok I'll shut up..."

"Me: *being hauled on a stretcher into an ambulance* Shotgun! EMT: dude your gonna die if you si- Driver: dammit Dave, he called shotgun"