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Joke of the Day

"A man brings his wife as Aspirin... She says, 'Why did you bring me this? I don't have a headache.' He says, 'Good, let's fuck!'."

"If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up."

"Husband -Talking to wife I have a problem Wife - how many times must i tell you that it is ""we,"" ""we have a problem"". Husband - Ok, sweetie, we have a problem. My secretary is having our baby"

"I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night...he hypnotized 7 guys...then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled*F@CK ME*...what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life..."

"What's in cider? I'm in cider!"

"Went to the zoo and the only animal there was a good looking dog... It was a pretty shih tzu"

"I don't like listening to loud frequencies. After a while, it hertz your ears."

"That awkward moment when you die, and all you were trying to do was take a selfie with a lion on a jungle safari.."

"Why is it easy to break in to an old man's house? Because his gait is broken and his locks are few."

"I asked Jesus what he did before he died He said ""Not much. I was just getting hammered and hanging out all day."""