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Joke of the Day

"Kid: Are you the babysitter? Sting: Yes. Every breath you take. Every step you take. I'll be watching you. It'll be fun! Kid: *horrified*"

"Why does noone listen ever to the guy who talks with his mouth full? He is so misunderstood."

"I organized a threesome last night There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had a great time."

"My girlfriend is (-100). She's definitely a 10, but she's imaginary."

"Wore a hospital gown to work today and faked a cough for 5 minutes, and they said I could have the break room all to myself."

"*puts seashell up to ear* Me: I think I can hear the ocea- Seashell: Seven days. You will die in seven days. Me: (to friend) It's for you."

"Mirror mirror on the wall, what is the fairest element of them all? Iron"

"http://loolzpedia.blogspot.com/2014/08/oxygen.html Oxygen Is Important"

"""Two messages, Sir. First, your tea has run out"" ""Correct English is 'you've run out of tea'. What else?"" ""You've walked out of wife"""

"I wanted to post a joke about tofu but it's tasteless."