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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning ? An alarm cluck !"

"I've been diagnosed with kleptomania... when it gets really bad, I have to take something."

"I went on a geology diet recently I lost a stone"

"Hey, black licorice, stop calling yourself ""candy"". You are nothing but a chewy fart and we both know it."

"women sure love never chilling the fuck out"

"Why did the pig go to the casino? To play the slop machine!"

"*Clark Kent leaves his glasses on the coffeemaker at work* Lois: Anyone see the coffeemaker? You, with the glasses...seen the coffeemaker?"

"[in Walmart] ""Excuse me, do you have towels?"" ""Oh, I don't work here."" [leans in close] ""I don't give a shit where you work."""

"My relationship is like Monopoly. She gives me too many Chances."

"Burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night........ .......... should have put it on aloha heat."