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Joke of the Day

"I took my wife to the Planetarium. She was shocked to learn that she is not the center of the universe."

"What do you call someone who speaks only one language? An American."

"You're a big fat liar! And I don't believe anything you say! See if I get naked for you again!! -Me to my scale as I step off of it"

"My heart sank when I received the text message ""I am breaking up with you. It's over between us"" from my partner. But ""Sorry, wrong number baby"" came afterwards. Whew, what a relief!"

"""I got hoes in different area codes."" - World's most disorganized landscaper."

"Dad: ""A little bird told me you are doing drugs"" Son: ""You're talking to birds, and I'm the one doing drugs?"""

"Which fraternity was George Lucas in during College? Psi Phi."

"Six U.S congress men die and go to heaven."

"Knock Knock / Who's There? / Benghazi / Benghazi who? I knew you'd forget about me if Trump won."

"Do you know what paraplegics can't stand? *that"