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Joke of the Day

"when i was a kid my father caught me wearing a ponytail so he sat me down and made me eat an entire steven seagal movie"

"April Fools Day is ONLY for singles. The married have their anniversary ."

"[At historic site] Guide: Questions? Me: What's the wifi password? G: I meant about 19th century life. M: Oh....Dost thou have thy password?"

"I take my women like I take my coffee. Really hot and all over my crotch while I'm driving."

"A muslim arrives in paradise. He demands his 72 virgins but it turns out there just aren't enough women in heaven. He insists on his virgins. So he's given 72 female babies made in China."

"I try to do my job the way I have sex. Work fast and and get done quick"

"I'm no scientist but you're an idiot."

"Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag."

"See above is an understatement."

"Why doesn't Shirley Manson change her Facebook relationship status? She's only happy when ""It's Complicated."""