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Joke of the Day

"When the moon hits your eye... When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's amore. When you swim in a creek and an eel bites your cheek that's a moray."

"Hospitals make mistakes with newborns, so before bringing yours home, check by rubbing its belly. If it curls in and bites you, that's a cat"

"Before takeoff our flight attendant asked everyone to turn off their Samsung Galaxy phones You know, the ones with the headphone jack"

"She was two thirds married once. What do you mean ? Well she turned up the Minster turned up but the groom didn't !"

"Girl: I dumped my last boyfriend cause he always gave short answers. I never knew what he was thinking. That's so annoying, right? Me: Word"

"When asked by the creepy guy at the bar ""Why aren't you smiling?"" my go-to answer is always ""My yeast infection really is bubbling up."""

"My favorite game with the kids is one where I play dead until they go around to their dad's side of the bed and wake him up."

"Cop : ""Lets Do a drug test"" Me: ""Cool, which drugs are we testing?"""

"Did you hear about the guy who has a fetish for cashews? He's fucking nuts."

"The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep."