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Joke of the Day

"You'll never believe how much this girl paid me to have sex with her...... One vagina."

"Two peanuts were walking down the road... One was assaulted"

"A blind guy walks into the kitchen.... ...and picks up a cheese grater. Runs his fingers up and down the grater: ""who the f*ck wrote these stupid things?"""

"my grandad came to this country with four pounds in his pocket, my nan was holding a suitcase full of cash & heroin"

"Sometimes I get the urge to run around naked.. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking."

"I met a girl named Nirvana yesterday... I asked her ""Did your parents give you than name while you were still In Utero?"". She was like ""What?"".. I just shook my head and said ""Nevermind...""."

"Today I've decided to rename things in the office to start with ""i"" like Apple. There's iStapler, iPostitnotes, iWishitwasfriday..."

"What's better than a violin on your bed? A fiddle between the sheets"

"Where did little Sarah go after the bombings? Everywhere"

"Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is"