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Joke of the Day

"Relationship status: My sex toys have 2 drawers now.You know you're getting old when everything either dries up or leaks"

"Mitt Romney announcing he's not running for president is like Johnny Depp announcing there won't be a sequel to Mortdecai."

"Everyone in the world but you is a robot and the experiment is going really poorly."

"Mickey is getting a divorce ""mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was...... extremely silly?"" ""no, i said she was fucking goofy"""

"Q: Why aren't Clinton White House staffers given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them."

"What do you call? What do you call 'nuts on a chest'? chestnuts. What do you call 'nuts on a wall'? walnuts. What do you call 'nuts on a chin'? .... A dick in your mouth."

"What's a great thing to do in Fresno? Leave."

"Why shouldn't you wear Ukrainian underwear? Chernobyl fall out"

"Went to the hardware store today... I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the guy behind the counter if this was good for ants. Old man says ""nope, it'll kill em"""

"Some of us are quiet because we're worried our thoughts might come out."