165372

Joke of the Day

"In light of recent events... ...I believe Adrian Peterson should start playing Major League Baseball. He'd be a great *switch* hitter."

"My brother recently got married To celebrate, my mother decided to pull out a couple bottles from my late father's homemade alcohol collection. That way he could be there in spirits"

"Coldplay is doing charity work in an African hospital. They met a few jaundice patients. Chris Martin said 'It was great. They were all yellow'"

"My son is a star mathlete. He has developed a geometric formula for fitting his body perfectly into a locker."

"Just cleaned out my desk. Bad news: I apparently have 1,453 Sharpies and none of them are sharp. Good news: I found the plane!"

"Life is more exciting when you're out there living it. I read that somewhere."

"I have ADHD. Yup, high-definition TV in the years after the birth of Jesus."

"Bin Laden is also responsible for all of my typos and unfunny tweets."

"CLICKBAIT TITLE (*bad pun goes here*) (*necessary edit acknowledging upvotes and more bad puns in comments*) (*necessary second edit for the anon's gold*)"

"Tasteless but SFW What do you call a group of elderly virgins? Dried Cherries"