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Joke of the Day

"I just read a story about a blind guy who's training to run in his eleventh marathon in case you were wondering what a lazy fuck you are."

"American Ninja Warrior is a bunch of people who took ""the floor is lava"" game way to seriously as kids."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he sipped his coffee before it was cool."

"How can you tell your roommate is of the gay? His dick tastes like shit"

"Dios mios! A: You shouldn't say the lord's name in vain! B: I'm not saying it in vain... I'm saying it in Spanish!"

"Two peanuts were walking through the bush... One was assaulted."

"Why wasn't I able to see the instruction manual? Because the instructions were clear."

"Ramen Noodles are like Masterbating When you finish, you feel guilt and regret."

"Why did Luke want to become a jedi so badly? He wanted to get Yoda off his back."

"My surgeon friend that specialized in Augmentation Mammaplasty just died. I regret not being there the moment he took his last breast."