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Joke of the Day

"Don't forget to sacrifice your own personal goals to live up to someone else's expectations today!"

"Did you hear about the stupid water-polo player? His horse drowned . . ."

"I love kids...But stop making me hold your baby. Why are you letting people touch your new born?!? I don't let people touch my new iPhone"

"*slips the attendant $20* ""make sure you pick me out a good one"" Sir this is a daycare... ""uh huh *winks* a daycare"""

"For lack of a better word... Buy a thesaurus"

"I wouldn't be so scared of spiders if they were wearing tiny shoes."

"What do you have in a room full of tweakers? A full set of teeth."

"Why are women so odd? Because they can't even. Huh huh?"

"How did the mermaid get into a car crash? ...because she was fish tailing!"

"Your family tree must be a cactus ... Because everyone on it is a prick."