2501

Joke of the Day

"Cocaine is never a solution... Unless it's dissolved in water."

"Apparently the rebooted bible will feature a female Jesus, and Moses will be a raccoon"

"I loaned my cell phone to Bill Cosby Now I can't get it to wake up."

"How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's House? All right, all right, all right.."

"[at the race] ""RUNNERS ON YOUR MARK"" Mark: ouch!"

"I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don't. So, from now on I'm only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen."

"5 years ago today I asked the girl of my dreams to go out with me. Today, I asked her to get married... She said no both times. ;("

"Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I'll be watching you. Dog"

"Do you know the thing about carpets? They demand to be felt."

"I don't mean to denigrate women. (Ladies, ""denigrate"" means to put-down or patronize.)"