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Joke of the Day

"What words men never want to hear during sex? Hi honey, I'm home."

"If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday how does he do it? The horse's name is Friday!"

"What did the metaphysicist say when he came out of the bathroom? shit just got real!"

"*Air horn sound* *Second airhorn sound* Me: ""Well this clearly isn't deodorant."""

"3-year-old: Daddy, I love you *hugs me* Me: I love y- Did you wipe your mouth on my shirt? Most of fatherhood is just being a good napkin."

"A joke that never stops giving.... Your mom."

"Bruce Willis pours a can of Red Bull onto his flower bed then drinks 8 gallons of water out of a watering can before realising his mistake"

"The man who worte the Hokey Pokey died. They had a hard time placing him in the coffin. They put his left leg in, but as soon as they started trying to put the right leg in they had problems."

"The ocean isn't shark-infested. It's the ocean. That's where sharks live. We aren't supposed to be there. Humans infest the ocean."

"What do you get when you mix olive oil, lemon juice, rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper and marijuana? Cheech Marinade!"