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Joke of the Day

"Blind date I went on a blind date with this girl to a bar and as soon as I saw her I knew what I was going to drink. She ordered juice, I ordered coffee to go."

"I just saw a poster that said ""have you seen this man?"" With a number to call... So I called the number and told them ""No."""

"People are always asking me why I named my pet newt 'Tiny' It's because he's my newt. ^minute ^^means ^^^small"

"People complain when my baby is crying and then they complain when I stuff her in the overhead bin, MAKE UP YOUR GD MINDS"

"What do you do when you find Michael J. Fox in your hot tub? .....Add your laundry."

"Two cannibals are sitting around eating dinner. One begins to complain to the other, ""You know, I really don't like my mother in law."" ""Then just eat the noodles."""

"Why did the bacon laugh? Because the egg cracked a yolk."

"Saw an ISIS poster yesterday It read ""Sign up for ISIS today! Receive free jacket and blowjob!"""

"My dad likes to come to my office & tell the receptionist he's my parole officer in case you were wondering how I turned out like this."

"A kid asks his Dad ""what does 'gay' mean?"" The father says ""It means 'to be happy."" The son asks ""Are you gay?"" The father says ""No, son. I have a wife."""