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Joke of the Day

"Blind date I went on a blind date with this girl to a bar and as soon as I saw her I knew what I was going to drink. She ordered juice, I ordered coffee to go."

"What sexual position creates the ugliest kids? I dunno, ask your mom."

"If one is an expert at tying knots, one does knot simply."

"I've just done the pilot of a new porn series about promiscuous airline staff."

"Did you hear about the reusable condoms? When you're done, turn them inside out and shake the fuck out of them."

"I just accidentally put my mic too close to my guitar amp and I think I made a Skrillex song."

"Father's Day tip: Your Dad is busy this weekend."

"What is a tuna's favorite city? Albacoreque."

"People say I'm quite contrarian. But I disagree."

"It's rather pathetic that the only thing that consistently works on my car is the Check Engine light."