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Joke of the Day

"A sandwich walks into a bar The bartender stares at it blankly and says, ""I'm sorry, we don't serve food."""

"""Help, I've lost the remains of an Egyptian pharaoh in a park in South London!"" ""Tooting Common?"" ""No, Neferkheperure-waenre Amenhotep IV."""

"Q: What do you get when you mix a mouse with some laundry detergent? A: Squeaky clean clothes."

"How fuckin' good do babies smell!? I wanna jam one up each nostril and rob a bank!"

"My girlfriend is like my self-esteem I have none"

"So Zayn quit the band? His life is obviously taking on a new direction..."

"I farted in my wallet now i have gas money."

"What do you call a punch-drunk Japanese person whose father has diarrhea? A slap-happy Jappy with a crap-happy pappy! I'll show myself out..."

"I know there's something wrong with my braille book... but I can't quite put my finger on it."

"Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing... There were no casual tees."