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Joke of the Day

"Now that pinterest, instagram and netflix are down, I think I'm just going to spend the weekend learning the names of my children."

"What does eighty year old pussy taste like? Depends."

"What's the difference between Trump and a Tree? Only one can get stumped..."

"Me: when I grow up I'm going to be an astronaut. 5 year old daughter: you're already grown up. You'll be dead soon."

"Just been watching the women's Olympic beach volleyball and there has already been a wrist injury..... But I should be OK by Monday."

"Darth Vader: What is the temperature of my son's lightsaber? Lukewarm."

"Why did they have to call Aquaman Aquaman Because they couldn't call him Seaman"

"Why is Barbie never pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box."

"Can't wait to walk down the aisle. The frozen food aisle. Marry me, ice cream."

"The Samsung Galaxy S7 walks into a bar... But it isn't waterproof so it breaks."