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Joke of the Day

"ME: someone stole my credit card number BANK: why would they spend $187 at a hot dog stand? ME: [hangs head in shame] that wasn't them"

"What is Spock's Birth Control method Vulcanized Rubber"

"Who is Samuel L Jackson's favorite historical figure? Oedipus"

"Amelia Earfart was the first woman to transatlantic fart around the world. it was silent but deadly. i love you."

"Dr Watson asks Sherlock Holmes... ""Holmes, why are you spreading fruit juice on my buttocks?"" ""Lemon entry dear Watson, Lemon entry"""

"*Tries to get makeup off* Makeup: I have a boyfriend."

"What's better than winning a Silver Medal at the Paralympics? Not being disabled."

"A good friend will delete your browser history for you, but a best friend will make your chalk lines smaller"

"I slept like a log last night. A badger pissed on me."

"A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. ""Which side is it best to lie on?"" she asked. ""The side that pays your fee"" replied the doctor."