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Joke of the Day
"My friend David got his id stolen... We call him Dav now!"
Next Joke
"People are always telling me I look like Hagrid from Harry Potter. I've never seen the movies, but she must be a beautiful gal."
"So Decartes goes to a restaurant for dinner... After enjoying his meal, the waiter asks Descartes if he would like any dessert. Politely, he responds, ""I think not,"" then immediately disappears."
"[my first day as a financial investor] ""I'm going all in on this Acme Corporation. Anybody want a piece?"""
"Do you think Gillette employees ever call in Schick to work?"
"I've got money left over for condoms or lottery tickets. I'm trying to calculate the odds."
"Little Girl: mom, I want to be an alligator when I grow up Mom: well, pick one. You can't be...acghhghh! Stop eating me! Aghhghhh...ah..a...bleh."
"[job interview] ""I'll never hire you"" ME: [swordfighting a field mouse] Is it cuz I'm swordf- NO IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE LOSING TO A FIELD MOUSE"
"[therapy] ""Where does your fear of spiders come from?"" *flashback to Spider-Man trying to kiss me behind Applebees* They're just creepy okay"
"Once again, overheard my 13yo tell someone that I was born in the 1900s. Now I want to hide under the covers and stab all her teddy bears."