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Joke of the Day

"Seduce Angela Merkel by fondling the hem of her cardigan while whispering ""Aren't you too pretty to be a Chancellor?"""

"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said Are you going to help?' I said No, six should be enough.'"

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? One snatches your watch and the other watches your snatch."

"A blind walks into a bar He said ""Aw!"""

"What did the brazillian father ask for for christmas from his wife? ""A little head, baby"""

"Sometimes I run across a room really fast so a spider sees me out of the corner of its eye and spends the evening worrying where I've gone."

"BOSS: you're an hour late GUY WHO'S ABOUT TO INVENT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME: oh you haven't heard?"

"What do an eagle and a mole have in common? They both live underground, **except for the eagle.**"

"Wait...the ""S"" in ASAP doesn't stand for ""Slowly?"" Shit. This has cost me 27, maybe 28 jobs."

"A man walks into a strop club and asks how much it costs to come inside. The man at the door says ""it's going to cost at least 1000 dollars to cum inside sir"""