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Joke of the Day

"[1st date] *recalls buddy said women like a manly man* *but also, be sensitive* I like to work with my hands, But splinters make me cry."

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"Why did everyone want to invite the mushroom to the party... Cause he was a fungi"
"My dog ate a bunch of tissues yesterday. Looks like his ass is going to wipe itself for awhile."
"I like my women like how I like my coffee beans Ground and stored in the freezer."
"So, I was at work the other day and... My manager asked, ""How good are you at PowerPoint?"" I said, ""I Excel at it."" He replied, ""Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"" I was like, ""Word."""
"What happened when Jesus 'screwed' around? He got *nailed*."
"I've been doing a lot of work around my yard, I hope my neighbours don't take a fence to it."
"To everyone with a motorcycle: your motorcycle is very loud & we are all very proud of you."
"Why don't more dinosaurs join the police force? They can't hide behind billboards."
"How do you get milk from a witch's cat? Steal her saucer."