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Joke of the Day

"Why did the penis. . . Why did the penis stop going to the speakeasy? He was sick of ragtime."

"Don't get upset if you hit a lot of red lights on your way to work. You'd turn red too if you had to change in the middle of the street."

"Officer pulled me over & asked if I knew what the speed limit was, like I'm getting paid to tell him his job."

"*tightens straps on electric chair* Any last words? -I think male oysters should be called boysters Omg will someone throw the damn switch"

"A guy walks in a library and asks for a book on how to commit suicide Librarian: Fuck you, you won't return it"

"Next time you wave, use all your fingers."

"Never ask white Americans what their ethnicity is unless you wanna hear a list of every European country and meaningless fractions."

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

"Did you hear about the people holding a raffle with the prize as a coffin? It was a dead giveaway."

"Why does it take Sarah Palin so long to get ready in the morning? Because she has two faces."