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Joke of the Day
"You know what's messed up to find at the bottom of a jar of mayonnaise? A condom. haha"
Next Joke
"I'd like to die in my sleep like my grandpa Comfortably, unlike the rest of the people in his car"
"MAYOR'S TIP: before you spend 20 minutes blowing an air mattress, make sure it's really an air mattress, and not Gary hiding under a blanket"
"Two lawyers walk into a bar. The third one ducks."
"A wise man once said that ice on the ground is great. He fell"
"I hate feeling bad about feeling good about feeling bad."
"[shipwreck diary] Day 32: a plane flew over last night but I fired the only flare on day 5 to celebrate my first solid shit in over a week"
"I had to stop breeding rabbits... I found it to be a hare raising experience."
"My iPhone is currently updating so I have to tweet from my computer like some Ethiopian kid."
"What type of dinosaurs roamed the Mediterranean before the asteroid hit? Falafel Raptors. (sorry)"