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Joke of the Day

"While other countries are doubling down on education, we're using chicken breasts as sandwich bread."

"Birds shit on us because we tweet better."

"People tell me filling animals with helium is bad.. But i say whatever floats your goat."

"What do you call someone who knows a lot about sea life? An Afishionado You're welcome!"

"Playing as japan in a ww2 game You know I never really liked Japanese weaponry... there just not my type"

"What does Oedipus the king's mother wear under her dress? Q: what does Oedipus the king's mother wear under her dress? A: a Freudian slip"

"The fact that Fred Flintsone ate brontosaurus burgers seems less charming when you realize Dino was also a brontosaurus."

"""What are you reading?"" Great Expectations. ""Is it any good?"" It's not all I hoped for."

"My boss told me that if I can't show up sober then don't bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!"

"Why can't a Pirate make it through their ABC's? They always get lost at C."