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Joke of the Day

"""My fellow Americans, I have authorized action to degrade and destroy Adobe's ability to push updates to devices."" [Cheering in streets]"

"One of my students told me he was drinking formic acid to settle his indigestion. After all, I suppose it is an *ant* acid."

"Why hunt for vampires when you can just open a tuxedo shop and have them come to you? Work smarter, not harder."

"hey! if u keep makimg faces like that u'll grow up to be a great physical comedian, able to unite peopel with laughter, adored by all, loved"

"I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender for dessert tonight, so yeah-I juice."

"What do you call an apathetic Russian? A So-be-it."

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently not three because my basement is still dark."

"How do you bother somebody with OCD 3,7,9,11,13,17,19....."

"What is the difference between an oil painting and Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang an oil painting."

"My wife has the body of a woman half her age. I suppose I should call the police."