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Joke of the Day

"I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender for dessert tonight, so yeah-I juice."

"Damn girl, did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like your face hit the ground first."

"Argon walks into a bar... bartender says, ""we don't serve your kind"". Argon doesn't react. How noble of him."

"Guess what happens when you have a vivid dream that you're taking a piss."

"What did Matthew McConaughey say when he saw this year's Oscar nominees? All white, all white, all whiiiiiiiite..."

"I wish the mailman would come to my house at the same time as the garbage man so he could give my mail directly to him."

"Why is Santa's Sack So Big Because he only comes once a year."

"Nobody in this grocery store thinks I'm a good bowler. Also, clean up in aisle four."

"What's the difference between Ice Age 4 and Batman The Dark Knight? The kids walked out of Ice Age 4... Alive"

"What do gay jazz musicians play? The ballsax."