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Joke of the Day

"What do you call Batman when he leaves church early? Christian Bale."

"Naming your daughter after a luxury car or precious gemstone is a wager with the universe that your parenting can make her not be a stripper"

"Theres an egg on yor head... Only yoking."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home? A taxi"

"You know Toothpaste was invented in Alabama? Anywhere else and it would have been called Teethpaste!"

"Breaking Bad joke (credit to edrubio6) Skyler: Hey, Walt, wanna hear a joke? Walter: Okay. Skyler: Knock kno- Walter: I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS!"

"A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him."

"This Halloween I will be dressing up as Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 by RSVPing to all possible parties & attending absolutely none of them."

"What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese."

"An Irishman walks... out of a bar."