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Joke of the Day
"My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall I said maybe."
Next Joke
"Duck in my soup. Me: Waiter, there's a duck in my soup... Waiter: That's a pond, you're at a park, I'm just here with my family, will you put some pants on?"
"[talking to daughter's art major boyfriend] ""You know who else had a pointy beard? Satan."""
"""Does this uniform make me look fat?"" Asked the insecurity guard."
"I got a new pair of gloves today but they're both 'lefts' Which, on the one hand, is great"
"Hey Dad did anybody call for me when I was out? ""Yeah some girl named Jenny"" ""Jenny who?"" ""I don't know. Why don't you call her and ask."" ""She leave a number?"" ""Yeah 867-5309"""
"What word that begins with ""N"" and ends with ""R"" do you never want to call a black person? Neighbor"
"Why do Mexicans eat beans? so they can take bubble baths."
"I've started writing crossword puzzles for a national newspaper. The money is not great but It's allowed me to buy a little two up two down house."
"Jon Snow contracted malaria after getting stabbed... ""How did you get malaria from a stab?"" ""Malaryan Steel."""