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Joke of the Day

"Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I'll probably live forever."

"Where'd the rabbi stay on business? The L'Hyatt"

"Remember: You don't owe anybody anything. Unless they killed someone for you. Then they probably deserve a nice gift card."

"I used to be addicted to soap.... I'm clean now."

"Why don't black people know how to swim Because nobody jumped off the ship"

"She: I think our sex would be off the charts.. Me: You have sex charts?"

"What do you get when you mix an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic? Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog."

"Number Bullying 1 was making fun of 0 for being fat and how he equates to nothing. This continued for several weeks until 0 had enough. He grabs 1 by his throat and shouts ""Stop boolean me!""."

"Two Chemists Two chemists go out for a nice meal. The drinks were okay. The meal was OK too. They both died."

"Want to know why I like space heaters? ""They make great housewarming gifts"""