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Joke of the Day

"What did the sea-world trainer's friend say to him after he spilled water on his friends lap? You did that on porpoise"

"What is trust? Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob."

"There's a sign at the airport in Pristina Welcome to Kosovo Your car is already here"

"What can jelly beans do that you can't? Come in different colors."

"""911, what's your emergency?"" Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past me while I was folding my period underwear."

"If at first you don't succeed, fuck it. What's on TV?"

"Know when to holdem *Pick up panties Know when to foldem *Fold em Know when to walk away *Leave laundromat Know when to run *Girl chasing me"

"I used to work in a bakery, didn't really enjoy it and the pay wasn't great... I just kneaded the dough I'm sorry, I'll leave now..."

"can U answer this? If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate ...Do you think: (a) You need more time together, (b) She's a prude, or (c) She should sit somewhere else on the bus?"

"I'd say Blair Walsh is kicking himself right now... But he was probably wide to the left."